I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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