it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
