cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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