I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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