apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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