i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
