I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
