i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
