There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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