why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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