theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
