I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
