Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
