sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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