didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She told me I should be a condom model.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
