im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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