i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
