ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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