I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
