also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
