dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's blow job season.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.