Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.