I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.