I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
