she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
