Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
