nut hugger
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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