It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
