I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
