i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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