i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
