Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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