Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
