i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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