I wish you could order shots online.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
