Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
