That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
