K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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