Cold hands, warm shart.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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