I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
