I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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