If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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