You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
