While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
