he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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