while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
