She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
