Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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