Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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