there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
