The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
