So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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