Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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