I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
