Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Farmville is her only friend.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
