in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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