My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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