So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
