He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
