on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
