I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
