its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize